My grief has been really strong since Jo Jo's death -- I have not been writing out my thoughts as I had once done.
Strange I want to call it 'passing' but it is what it is. She died.......
She has not passed for me, she is still here living inside my heart; a part of my soul.
Each time I go to Three Rivers, the graveyard in which she was buried; I say hello to her - the memory of a friendship. Sometimes, my five year old out of the blue will ask.
"Did she have white hair? "
Yes she did, chemo helped the graying process.
"Did she die from cancer?"
Yes, she did.
"Is cancer a virus in her body?"
Yes, it is.
Then his mind drifts off to five year old thought processes. I am left remembering.
It is hard for me to connect to people and develop bonds. Twenty years of military service harded my ability to develop lasting bonds due to military moves. I rarely make friends I feel safe enough to tell things to or want to listen to theirs. I am trying to grieve out my loss but, it still hurts almost 3 years later.
Each time I see her mother, Honey and Mr. Johnny. I am grateful, they still keep in contact with me.
Jo Jo, if you are listening.
I still love and cherish our friendship
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I was never in the military but moved back and forth from Alaska and Texas among other stops along the way. My adult life until just 7 years ago was very much on the move. Drifting from some place to the next, always on the move.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my mother, she passed away in 2007 from cancer also that started in her colon. There are many mixed feelings where she is concerned. But my best friend on earth is gone now.
I don't have close connections, it is hard to trust enough to build lasting relationships.
I understand. Hugs !