Cancer Patient versus Burn Victim
20 July 2007
I have had some things running through my mind the last couple of days that I would like to share. I am thinking of my friend, JoJo, as I make this analogy.
In 2004, I had to med evacuated as a medical assistant with my daughter from overseas. She had collapsed a few weeks earlier from a brain hemorrhage, spent a week in a coma and was being transported from Portugal to Germany then on to Walter Reed Medical Center. Well gentle readers this is where you should stop reading if you are squeamish.
We loaded with soldiers being med-evacuated from the war front in Afghanistan and Iraq in a medical transport aircraft. I helped load the patients and walking wounded. I was basically the only person in civilian clothes but not really (still active duty.) I helped the Army National Guard technicians and medical staff load baggage, secured suspended cots, and lock down patients in three elongated rows, double patient rows vertical suspended in the middle (like a double row of bunk beds.)
Now mind you the first half hour or so of the flight was nondescript because all are quiet waiting for the aircraft to level out on its flight path. I looked at the young men and women that I was going to be traveling with for the next day. Some were wearing medical gowns and did not look to have faired too poorly. Simple things like broken limbs and regular medical concerns.
Then, there were some walking wounded that were in bad shaped but good spirits. On more than one occasion females who needed help using facilities were helped to their feet. One or two medical attendants would use “wool blankets” to form a privacy barrier while another attendant helped to support the patient. Inside the belly of that aircraft temperatures quickly dropped as the noise level rose. Mind you; I was wore foam peanut protection as well as headphones but the drone of the engines could still be heard as well as felt throughout ones body and bones.
I would take turns checking on my daughter who blissfully slept during most of the flight. While she was awake; we could talk to the young soldiers around us. We told each other of “war wounds” and families to pass the time. Also, I had them do this so that we could all bond in such a short time. Second, the patients would have to get used to sharing their stories on a daily basis anyway. Another reason is my daughter being a teen aged girl felt uncomfortable talking due to paralysis of her face. We had a lot of laughs and tears explaining things back and forth across the aisles.--Then after awhile medications where passed out and many went to sleep. That is when my life was changed. (WARNING---don’t not read any further if squeamish.)
One row over and three cots down began the critical patients loaded last in the rear of the plane. You see, a patient knows how his medical condition is as where his/her seating in assigned inside of a medical evacuation aircraft. Those seated nearest the pilot box are the most stable. Patients loaded first are not that poorly off and are ambulatory (under their own mobility.) This also means their injuries or illnesses while serious enough to warrant evacuation are not immediately life threatening. Now as one is seated nearer to the middle to the tail of the aircraft is where lives start changing.
So, since I was running on mother’s adrenaline---I could not sleep. My daughter had a long road ahead of her and still had drainage tubes running from her head. I kept a silent watch while helping the medical staff of 6 or 7 with their chores. This is what soldiers are taught to help, to aid or assist. All was well with trash duties, toiletry duties, helping people eat and use the facilities as I made my way toward the back of the air craft. I noticed the badges and insignia changed. No longer was I in the land of med tech but nurses and shoulder boards.
I asked the nurses if they needed help that I was trained in Basic Life Saving Skills & CPR. (I knew that I would not get sick at the sight of blood or other things.) She said that I could help her and her tech on their rounds. The next man I saw; in an instant I knew his life would never be the same again. First, the smell of his wounds hit me for he had been burned beyond recognition. He was on life support and I could see (& hear in my mind) his breathing; air bubbles escaping from his mouth.
I looked at this man and helped the attendant check the straps to ensure his safety in case of turbulence. I could only see his face, head, neck—his bandages where kept moist throughout the flight and he was covered for warmth. By the wonderful grace of medical science he was in a drug induced coma. His hands or feet would occasionally shift in his sleep. (Or maybe I imaged the movements)
I just did not know what to think or feel for this man. I also thought if he would be better off dead because his skin was black, cracked and peeling. And at this point I feel weird because; I wonder why he is kept alive and for whom. For the next twelve or so hours; my mind would drift to his future. I would look at the other patients that would in similar conditions with loss of limbs, eyes and burns. These men and women had in fact seen Hell and made sacrifices with their bodies for freedom.
Now you are probably wondering how I can equate this to Jo Jo and her fight with stage IV breast cancer. This is how I drew my analogy. While looking at that young man’s body and how it was burned by fire and chemicals---the images took root in my brain. I have been thinking about his fate for three days and secretly wondering why him? Then last night it dawned on me and the explanation is simple. Jo Jo has the same caustic affect by cancer’s conflagration on inside yet her wounds are not openly visible. You see, the tumors in her body are consuming her in the same way that young man was consumed.
This leads me to further questions. Why is it in all of our wonderful advancement in science? Why not cancer? I guess it is a matter of priorities. Think about it—we make ensure BOB can attain and sustain an erection; removal of fetal cord bloods cell to cure diseases (theoretically.); or clone animals, go into outer space and other awe inspiring advances. Yet, with all these advances; no one is making the knowledge known to cure cancer or other diseases. WHY? I needed to get this rant out. If I have offended I apologize.
I love you, JoJo!
Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The cancer is spreading
11 July 2007
It is so hard to look at someone you love. Hear the news and not react out of grief or anger. Instead of crying or raging; I asked her "what can I do to help you." Seems like one of the ten year old doctors she was referred to; did not know how to fill out a form letter on her behalf for her drugs and pain relief. Okay, I can do that; only problem is I will not be able to see her until Friday.
She has her appointments spread across South West Texas. I am beginning to form the opinion that no one medical facility wants full responsibility for her care due to the financial implications of her critical care. This speaks volumes to me because it is like saying dear patient you need a heart transplant but here at this facility only offer dietary advice. (Thus these facilities spread the cost of her care around.) That is what my gut tells me because her appointments are spread out from San Antonio, Pleasanton to Corpus Christi.
It is so hard to look into her eyes and see that she is accepting of her fate with no accusations or murderous rage. This is also hard for me to follow her wishes on remaining calm and respectful. The passivity of acceptance just goes against my aggressive, “A” type personality. I would sooner grab the doctor that is her bone specialist and slap the silly, complacent look off his face when he is speaking about offering her pain management classes.
(Here in my head, I think: YOU ARROGANT BASTARD! How dare you suggest such a placebo? Why are you planting a seed of doubt in her head as to her inability to effectively manage her own pain? I am seriously whipping the ass of every doctor that has been idiots with her care for the last two years.) Let me tell you this mental ass kicking feels good because I start to laugh at the absurdity of the role play.
I will get a few hours with her on Friday before she leaves to go to her daughter's wedding to get all the information. I keep telling myself to prepare because each time that I have not seen her in a few days I can see the difference in her health.
The only other idea I came come up with is contacting the military facilities inquire about appointing me as her care provider. I mean I am at a loss and feel like I am buried under a quagmire of inability and crap and thus--ineffective. I am sitting here now looking at this keyboard knowing my friend's life is being drained from her. She is young and vibrant still even though tired and wasting away. Her smile is as beautiful as the day I met her. Her heart and faith have not changed nor her outlook on life.
No tears today, I promised.
I love you, JoJo!
It is so hard to look at someone you love. Hear the news and not react out of grief or anger. Instead of crying or raging; I asked her "what can I do to help you." Seems like one of the ten year old doctors she was referred to; did not know how to fill out a form letter on her behalf for her drugs and pain relief. Okay, I can do that; only problem is I will not be able to see her until Friday.
She has her appointments spread across South West Texas. I am beginning to form the opinion that no one medical facility wants full responsibility for her care due to the financial implications of her critical care. This speaks volumes to me because it is like saying dear patient you need a heart transplant but here at this facility only offer dietary advice. (Thus these facilities spread the cost of her care around.) That is what my gut tells me because her appointments are spread out from San Antonio, Pleasanton to Corpus Christi.
It is so hard to look into her eyes and see that she is accepting of her fate with no accusations or murderous rage. This is also hard for me to follow her wishes on remaining calm and respectful. The passivity of acceptance just goes against my aggressive, “A” type personality. I would sooner grab the doctor that is her bone specialist and slap the silly, complacent look off his face when he is speaking about offering her pain management classes.
(Here in my head, I think: YOU ARROGANT BASTARD! How dare you suggest such a placebo? Why are you planting a seed of doubt in her head as to her inability to effectively manage her own pain? I am seriously whipping the ass of every doctor that has been idiots with her care for the last two years.) Let me tell you this mental ass kicking feels good because I start to laugh at the absurdity of the role play.
I will get a few hours with her on Friday before she leaves to go to her daughter's wedding to get all the information. I keep telling myself to prepare because each time that I have not seen her in a few days I can see the difference in her health.
The only other idea I came come up with is contacting the military facilities inquire about appointing me as her care provider. I mean I am at a loss and feel like I am buried under a quagmire of inability and crap and thus--ineffective. I am sitting here now looking at this keyboard knowing my friend's life is being drained from her. She is young and vibrant still even though tired and wasting away. Her smile is as beautiful as the day I met her. Her heart and faith have not changed nor her outlook on life.
No tears today, I promised.
I love you, JoJo!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Beating Hearts, July 10th, 2007
Beating Hearts behind the Computer Screens
10 July 2007
First off, I want to say thank you, gentle reader for listening to my rambling on how I am dealing with my most precious friend’s journey. We just found out she has Stage IV breast cancer. This is her 3rd go around in less than 2 years.
Thanks to all the special people who have listened to me work out in my blog how I am going to continue to support my friend in her time of need. "My grief for the inevitable is something that I feel is my own baggage and would never pass that load onto my friend's already heavy pack." It is funny; we all log onto EBay everyday to SPAM or Play Double-Dare, Fight, Flame War (over really meaningless crap) and share small parts of our lives.
I have read everyone's comments and emails; it is a blessing to read that my words in this forum has brought people out and talking. In one email a point was made that I really believe it true. "More money is spent to find a cure for ---Bob's lack of erectile strength---" If drug companies put as much efforts into finding a cure for cancer instead of watching profit margins grow then many lives would and could be saved.
Then I also have taken note of how people without medical insurance get treated totally different than I do when seeking medical care. I have seen it with my own eyes in Emergency Rooms in 20 years of military service--when civilian hospitals were necessary. Now, folks in the medical career fields will deny this fact but, next time you are in a local emergency just pay attention to those around you. After a short time, you will also see what I have seen with my own eyes. I will probably site dates and references later.
I have to rage at the idea of "who in the Hell" gave medical administrators the authority to decided who is worthy of proper medical care and a meaningful life. I have also come to the realization how sheltered my life was in the military. Meaning, we took care of our own. In medical hospital for the most part people were equal when it came to medical staging, critical were seen first and given priority. (Although Dignitaries, Senators, Representatives and Generals where ushered into special wings.)
Sometimes I wonder and rage in my mind while trying to find medications and clinical trails to help my friend cope with her disease. Although, I never say "How did you not know?" Which in my mind is a kick in the gut? If you don't know what questions to ask then many believe you are ignorant? Two, I seen where finger pointing has been waged---"Do you smoke or been exposed to second hand smoke?"
Really, once cancer is running its course it is too late to bring that point up and only makes the patient feel even worse. In essence the speaker has just basically put the blame back on the patient. This brings up a point for me to ponder; do medical care providers ever understand the power of their words or actions? I am really aghast at the audacity of the medical community: what gives you the right to point fingers to place blame? One day dear medical personnel; you will be wearing a paper gown. Just mark my words. I am just tired---so I will stop here. And please remember---this is my journey and personal opinion.
I love you, Jo Jo!
Hugs, Love and Kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
10 July 2007
First off, I want to say thank you, gentle reader for listening to my rambling on how I am dealing with my most precious friend’s journey. We just found out she has Stage IV breast cancer. This is her 3rd go around in less than 2 years.
Thanks to all the special people who have listened to me work out in my blog how I am going to continue to support my friend in her time of need. "My grief for the inevitable is something that I feel is my own baggage and would never pass that load onto my friend's already heavy pack." It is funny; we all log onto EBay everyday to SPAM or Play Double-Dare, Fight, Flame War (over really meaningless crap) and share small parts of our lives.
I have read everyone's comments and emails; it is a blessing to read that my words in this forum has brought people out and talking. In one email a point was made that I really believe it true. "More money is spent to find a cure for ---Bob's lack of erectile strength---" If drug companies put as much efforts into finding a cure for cancer instead of watching profit margins grow then many lives would and could be saved.
Then I also have taken note of how people without medical insurance get treated totally different than I do when seeking medical care. I have seen it with my own eyes in Emergency Rooms in 20 years of military service--when civilian hospitals were necessary. Now, folks in the medical career fields will deny this fact but, next time you are in a local emergency just pay attention to those around you. After a short time, you will also see what I have seen with my own eyes. I will probably site dates and references later.
I have to rage at the idea of "who in the Hell" gave medical administrators the authority to decided who is worthy of proper medical care and a meaningful life. I have also come to the realization how sheltered my life was in the military. Meaning, we took care of our own. In medical hospital for the most part people were equal when it came to medical staging, critical were seen first and given priority. (Although Dignitaries, Senators, Representatives and Generals where ushered into special wings.)
Sometimes I wonder and rage in my mind while trying to find medications and clinical trails to help my friend cope with her disease. Although, I never say "How did you not know?" Which in my mind is a kick in the gut? If you don't know what questions to ask then many believe you are ignorant? Two, I seen where finger pointing has been waged---"Do you smoke or been exposed to second hand smoke?"
Really, once cancer is running its course it is too late to bring that point up and only makes the patient feel even worse. In essence the speaker has just basically put the blame back on the patient. This brings up a point for me to ponder; do medical care providers ever understand the power of their words or actions? I am really aghast at the audacity of the medical community: what gives you the right to point fingers to place blame? One day dear medical personnel; you will be wearing a paper gown. Just mark my words. I am just tired---so I will stop here. And please remember---this is my journey and personal opinion.
I love you, Jo Jo!
Hugs, Love and Kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
Letter to self, July 10th 2007
Letter to self
We have talked about death and recognize the possibility. We promised each other no tears, lamenting, or sadness. Jo Jo needs this as armor to fight the good fight. This is the manner she chooses to deal with her own spiritual healing. I will be there when she needs me and as she needs me. I promise not to invade her life or be intrusive. Quietly, I watch and see the changes: the lines in her face, fatigue, stooped posture, slow movements and lack of appetite. I see her struggle with pain as cancer moves into her bones.
I sit with her and see how the medications are not turning down the blare of pain’s beating drum. For the first time, I have seen her use a cane with a wheel chair waiting in the shadows. I must mark here: never once in the last 15 months have I heard her stay: ENOUGH.
She continues to smile, pray and watch her family go through their changes in life. This week she will be making a journey to see her daughter marry. Dixie is now 19 years old, and her son Ford is 2 years old. Jo Jo’s family will also make the trip to Edna with Beau her son at her side. While she is away, I will be researching and finding information to bring her relief. This amazing woman lives in such a scared place in my heart. I can not imagine how she became so strong, independent, wise and loving. I only hope one day I will gain some of her gentle spirit to guide my way.
I love you, Jo Jo!
Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
We have talked about death and recognize the possibility. We promised each other no tears, lamenting, or sadness. Jo Jo needs this as armor to fight the good fight. This is the manner she chooses to deal with her own spiritual healing. I will be there when she needs me and as she needs me. I promise not to invade her life or be intrusive. Quietly, I watch and see the changes: the lines in her face, fatigue, stooped posture, slow movements and lack of appetite. I see her struggle with pain as cancer moves into her bones.
I sit with her and see how the medications are not turning down the blare of pain’s beating drum. For the first time, I have seen her use a cane with a wheel chair waiting in the shadows. I must mark here: never once in the last 15 months have I heard her stay: ENOUGH.
She continues to smile, pray and watch her family go through their changes in life. This week she will be making a journey to see her daughter marry. Dixie is now 19 years old, and her son Ford is 2 years old. Jo Jo’s family will also make the trip to Edna with Beau her son at her side. While she is away, I will be researching and finding information to bring her relief. This amazing woman lives in such a scared place in my heart. I can not imagine how she became so strong, independent, wise and loving. I only hope one day I will gain some of her gentle spirit to guide my way.
I love you, Jo Jo!
Love, Hugs and Kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Finding out
Finding Out: Can’t Breathe
9 July 2007
This morning I spoke with my girlfriend. Last year, my friend lost a breast to cancer. She fought it hard, never complained and worked to support her family while undergoing Chemo and Radiation. After the last round of radiation she was declared cancer free and lived that way for about five months. As fate would have it; she found another lump on her rib cage--it was a scare. Then last month she was told that breast cancer spread to her muscles; the lumps and affected tissue was removed in June. As I wait quietly in the side lines with baited breath and wonder if it is time again.
Since the beginning of this disease’s journey with my friend--she started having pain in her legs and joints. There are times when she would get up with a slight moan and laugh playing it off like her leg had went to sleep and was experiencing the pins and needles from sitting too long. She went and had the tests and the results came back on Friday. Breast cancer had moved into her bones. This feels like the march of gradual assault; cancer has invading my friend’s body like a general bent on winning a proverbial war.
Feeling useless, I spent the day on-line gathering information for her. In my mind I am playing out conversations with her, family, friends and doctors. I have decided I will do whatever she needs of me to help her find a cure or pass from this life. I will fill out her forms, drive her to appointments, and listen to every word that she chooses to speak and share with me. I will mark each day that this remarkable and precious person chooses to allow me into her inner circle.
This is one woman of countless I have met and grown to know has made such and incredible impact on my life. I admire JoJo more than any other person I have met in my life. People have had cancer in my realm but she continues to let me learn and grow. She has not cut me from her life as she bunkers down for the fight of her life. I have never heard one compliant or outrages. I have never met such a peaceful, loving, genuinely kind and happy person. Her famous reply to people inquiring about her health is beautiful and simple, “WONDERFUL.”
I am honored to have her choose to keep me a friend and have seen how my own life if richer for knowing her. I am putting together a charity auction in her honor for the American Breast Cancer Foundation. I have been working on this auction that began as a simple post by EBay user Muledaddy357 about “Blog Gangs.” While I am putting the finishing touches on this event, this week JoJo will be attending her daughter's wedding in Edna, Texas. I hope that the PINK THONG charity auction proves to be a great success.
I just want to remind all gentle readers passing this way. Breast cancer robs so much more than breasts from women. It steals from everyone that it touches. Sure there are many survivors but we are not at 100% recovery. I choose to honor my friend by supporting the American Breast Cancer Foundation for the rest of my life.
Love, hugs, and kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
9 July 2007
This morning I spoke with my girlfriend. Last year, my friend lost a breast to cancer. She fought it hard, never complained and worked to support her family while undergoing Chemo and Radiation. After the last round of radiation she was declared cancer free and lived that way for about five months. As fate would have it; she found another lump on her rib cage--it was a scare. Then last month she was told that breast cancer spread to her muscles; the lumps and affected tissue was removed in June. As I wait quietly in the side lines with baited breath and wonder if it is time again.
Since the beginning of this disease’s journey with my friend--she started having pain in her legs and joints. There are times when she would get up with a slight moan and laugh playing it off like her leg had went to sleep and was experiencing the pins and needles from sitting too long. She went and had the tests and the results came back on Friday. Breast cancer had moved into her bones. This feels like the march of gradual assault; cancer has invading my friend’s body like a general bent on winning a proverbial war.
Feeling useless, I spent the day on-line gathering information for her. In my mind I am playing out conversations with her, family, friends and doctors. I have decided I will do whatever she needs of me to help her find a cure or pass from this life. I will fill out her forms, drive her to appointments, and listen to every word that she chooses to speak and share with me. I will mark each day that this remarkable and precious person chooses to allow me into her inner circle.
This is one woman of countless I have met and grown to know has made such and incredible impact on my life. I admire JoJo more than any other person I have met in my life. People have had cancer in my realm but she continues to let me learn and grow. She has not cut me from her life as she bunkers down for the fight of her life. I have never heard one compliant or outrages. I have never met such a peaceful, loving, genuinely kind and happy person. Her famous reply to people inquiring about her health is beautiful and simple, “WONDERFUL.”
I am honored to have her choose to keep me a friend and have seen how my own life if richer for knowing her. I am putting together a charity auction in her honor for the American Breast Cancer Foundation. I have been working on this auction that began as a simple post by EBay user Muledaddy357 about “Blog Gangs.” While I am putting the finishing touches on this event, this week JoJo will be attending her daughter's wedding in Edna, Texas. I hope that the PINK THONG charity auction proves to be a great success.
I just want to remind all gentle readers passing this way. Breast cancer robs so much more than breasts from women. It steals from everyone that it touches. Sure there are many survivors but we are not at 100% recovery. I choose to honor my friend by supporting the American Breast Cancer Foundation for the rest of my life.
Love, hugs, and kisses,
Nekkid Chicken
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